Honey I Suckle the Kids
Nappies, cribs and caesareans: essential facets of modern parenting or damaging, isolating hindrances to a child’s development? This programme delves into a child-rearing phenomenon that intrigues and disturbs people in equal measure: ‘attached parenting’(AP). The couples we meet advocate prolonged breastfeeding, share the marital bed with children, carry their children in slings past walking age and live without nappies.
The attached parenting movement started in the US in the 1970s as part of the hippy counterculture. Its main aim was to bring child-rearing back to its ‘natural’ roots, fostering stronger bonds between parents and their children. Many peoples’ instant reaction is to turn their noses up at breastfeeding five-year-olds and recoil at the sight of a kitchen floor strewn with child poo, but the movement’s popularity is growing in America, with a new breed of adherents cropping up in the UK. These free-thinking parents believe strongly that children crave close bodily contact; all the props we use to make life cleaner and quieter merely sever this bond before the child is ready to tackle modern life alone.
First we meet American AP enthusiast Krista Cornish Scott and her husband Brett. Krista has dedicated herself 24 hours a day to her four-year-old son Aidan and nine-month-old baby Colm. Krista is clearly passionate about act of birth. She has two little knitted uteruses, gifts from her friends who regularly get together to drink wine, hang out…and coo over each other’s birth videos. These girls are firmly against any medical intervention in birth, marvelling that while vets understand that intervention is detrimental, human doctors are awfully keen to speed things along with their tools and gadgets. Krista describes cribs as ‘cages’ for babies and baby seats as ‘neglectomatics’. For Krista, full-time attached parenting is by far the best way to bond with her children, even though it commands all of her time.
In Northumberland, we meet Liz and Gary Cole, who have both given up their jobs to dedicate themselves full time to their three children, ranged between seven and two. Former secondary school teacher Liz has been breastfeeding almost consistently for seven years now and is currently nursing her two-year-old Catherine and four-year-old daughter Eleanor. Liz feeds the two on demand and as such must be in almost constant contact with them. She describes breastfeeding as “liquid love” and believes it is about so much more than getting milk into your child; it is their birthright and it fosters a strong and important bond between mother and child. “I do notice the fact that Liz has her tits out and it’s very rarely for me these days so I just stand in queue and pretend to be one of the girls!” Gary chuckles.
This country has one of the lowest nursing rates in Europe and Liz has become a breastfeeding counsellor, promoting the practice to new mothers. She does feel uncomfortable breastfeeding her four-year-old in public; she is adamant that this has nothing to do with other peoples’ perceptions, but regrets that she allows the discomfort to get to her. While the World Health Organisation states that children should be weaned around the age of 4, this is unacceptable in mainstream western society. As Gary and Liz argue, breasts are seen to exist primarily to attract men and sell papers these days, while their nurturing value is forgotten. The demanding Eleanor will have “boobie” for as long as she wants.
Liz and Gary proudly boycott mainstream schooling, feeling they cannot trust the system to educate their children in a practical, caring way. They take things one step further by opting for ‘unschooling’ - a practice whereby the child and not the adult dictate what they learn. These two even share the marital bed with their young’uns, though Gary initially had concerns about how this would affect his sex life. Well, they just have to do it very carefully and quietly. Gulp.
In Washington State, Karen Krueger gave up a high-powered job and swinging social life to dedicate herself full-time to her now four-year-old daughter Alya. As well as breastfeeding and home schooling, Karen insists on carrying Alya around in a sling, feeling that physical closeness and sharing her mother’s perspective are invaluable in the development of her child. She also believes in ‘positive discipline’, parenting by persuasion rather than chastisement.
Perhaps the most controversially of all, some parents practice ‘elimination communication’, whereby parents reject nappies and try to anticipate their offspring’s every bowel and bladder movement. Krista is a passionate advocate of this, even decking her baby out in “I love EC” t-shirts. Wherever she goes, she makes the secret code noise then dangles her baby over a flower patch. Anticipating “the poop shiver” doesn’t always work, as we see from her poo-smeared kitchen floor. This demanding way of dispensing with nappies means that she must watch her younger son almost contantly to gauge when he needs to go to the toilet - sometimes as often as 30 times a day. It’s not for the faint hearted.